My very first car accident.

and i no longer have a car

or the 6000 dollars that it cost.


but i do have a nice headache.
sucks.

I'm having a hard time sleeping.

And isn't that the heart of insightful posts?
Usually, yes. Tonight? Probably not. We'll see where the mind takes us.

I think I need to brush my teeth. I also feel the need to go run for three and a half hours. I feel the need to do something incredibly hard, to show me what it means to try. Sometimes I'm all too good at running away from things. It's what I do to responsibility. And difficult things. And even boys. I run away from it all. I'm running away from my job because I'm not happy. I'm not happy because it's too hard. It's too hard because it's not what teaching is supposed to be. But yet I know full well that there are probably 1 in every 6 teachers who are in my predicament. What's the point in graduating early if I can't handle the job? Why am I now suddenly deciding I want to major in physics? Is it from 3 and a half years of having none of it after 3 years of physics every day? Mom doesn't take me very seriously. Understandably so. I don't give her any reason to. I can't even keep my room clean.
I think one thing I am going to have to do is make a decision without asking or looking for approval. I have to decide where I'm going to go, and how I'm going to pay for it. If I sit back and wait for approval on every move I make, I'll never go anywhere because someone will always think I could have made a better one.

So the real question is: do I save the princess out of love, or obligation?

Does Mario put his life on the line day after day for the woman he loves? Or does he rescue her because it's simply his job? At the end of the day does he shake her hand and walk away? Or does he march boldly in and sweep her off her feet?

Do I go back and get my physics classes because it's really what I want to do? Or because I need a valid reason for quitting my job?

I guess it's really neither. Regardless of love or obligation, Mario puts himself out of the equation. He doesn't rescue the princess for himself. He does it for her. If it were for himself, he wouldn't be so selfless as to run head-on into biting botanicals or bullets with only the protection of a mushroom. That's not something you do to make yourself feel better. You do it because someone elses' life is more important than your own.

Whatever I end up doing, I can't do it because the end result is best for me, can I? I have to do what honors God most.

That sucks. Because I know that God knows that the kids where I teach now need me. And to some degree I need them. Let's be honest--I need them all the time.
Unfortunately I don't know how to deal with my Koopa Trooper. I don't have the fire power.
So do I daily sacrifice my sanity, my happiness, my patience, my time, and my health to serve 120 kids who aren't able to return the favor?
Would Mario quit just because he fell down a hole? No.

But I'm not a middle-aged portly Italian man, either. I don't even know anything about plumbing.

I'm in business for self-righteous excuse-making.

It doesn't pay very well.

Tales from Oklahoma

So Kali and I are driving from OKC to Tulsa this morning, and let me tell you it was quite an adventure.
The plan was that we were going to eat lunch in Tulsa at 1:30, so we decided to maximize eating time and minimize waiting time that we should leave around 11. It's about a 90 minute drive, so we figured we'd be early enough to help out a little, but late enough that we didn't have to die waiting for our delicious meal. My mom and Aunt Karen decided they were going to leave around 10:30 (sounds like their plan was somewhat similar to ours).
So 11:10 rolls around, and we're off! I was driving, because I like to drive. Kali was making bows out of ribbon in the passgenger seat.

So we're driving along and things are going well, and then all of the sudden THE BEST SONG EVER WRITTEN comes on the radio. "grrrrr-look at this photograph!" we both begin to belt out at the top of our lungs. This trip is turning out great! "hoowwrr did our eyes get so rrrred?" Oh man!
So we're in the middle of the last chorus (so we're making a huge production of it) and this white Sentra drives by while we're waving "grooood-bye-yi, grooood-bye-yi" along with the song. Let's just say I'll bet they nodded in understanding, saying in their heads "I'll bet they're listening to that kickin' song Photograph. Oh man, that song kicks."

So Kali and I have a jolly good laugh at the high-quality music we just experienced. You know, that song just never seems to get old. And by old, I mean good.

So we're driving, and all of a sudden this little 5 year old Creek or Mexican girl (we couldn't really tell) runs across the highway. We quickly (and by 'we' I mean 'I') slam on the brakes and after that short-lived drama passes, we're cruising on our way. We kept flipping stations, hoping to come across the Baywatch Theme Song, but the closest we came was this other song that wasn't really close at all.

We're driving on a little more--we're about 16 miles outside of Tulsa, and we run into a traffic jam. I decide to call mom (because they left before us) to ask if she had hit it and how long it would last. She answers the phone, and I ask her if they're still on the road or if they've gotten to Aunt Heidi's house yet. She said they were still on the road, and I asked where they were and she replies,"Oh, we're about 16 miles outside of Tulsa still." I asked her if she had hit the traffic jam, and she said they were just into it. I looked around and I see a red SUV 2 cars in front of us and I asked her "is there a white Sentra (yes our friends from before) behind you?" and she was like "YEAH!"
It was hilarious. Because we caught up to them.

So we drive through the traffic jam, and it comes that we're nearing my mom and Aunt in their car to pass them. I decide to roll down the windows so we can make faces at them, and all of the sudden Kali lurches forward and screams "NOT THE BOWS!" as the bows she was making start to slide from the dash. We quickly roll up the windows. Hilarity ensues.

We pass my mom. We're here at Aunt Heidi's. Food is not even close to ready. We're dying.

I'm hungry.

The end.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Why don't I feel anything yet?

And we already know, There's no cancer in Heaven.