This Didn't End Up Where I Expected. . .

I don't respond well to displays of disobedience.
I don't think it's funny to cause mischeif, or to make big messes for the sake of "having a little fun."
Food fights, toilet-papering, and other "harmless" acts of vandalism don't amuse me.

I always hated The Cat in the Hat for this very reason. Even when I was a little kid in kindergarten or first grade I remember not liking this book.
I don't understand what sort of lesson can be learned when a grown-up (in my mind, the Cat in the Hat was a grow-up) shows up and tells two little kids to disobey their mother. And not to just disobey her--he practically destroys their house. And for some reason, it's all okay in the end just because they cleaned it up and she never found out?
That never made any sense to me.

I also never liked the book Where the Wild Things Are. It's often a childhood favorite of many. People tell me they love it because it's so imaginative. When I was little, I hated even looking at the pictures because I thought they were so ugly. But what I really didn't like was that the little kid was so mean to his mom. And then he went to this ugly place and was mean to these monsters. And then he gets to come back home and have his dinner waiting for him.

Funny, now that I've shortened the plot (if you could call it that) to that short few sentences; it reminds me of all the same reasons I really struggle with seeing King David as a hero. . .

I don't like it when people don't get in trouble for their actions.
And for their disrespect.
And when they leave messes that other people have to take care of.
I don't like it when this behaviour is rewarded.
And I don't like it when characters like the Cat in the Hat and mean Max (isn't that his name?) are considered the "hero."

I think the heroes should be the ones who are bigger than me and can forgive the little punks who break the rules. . .




The One who is bigger than me and has forgiven all the little punks who break the rules. ..

Full Of It

I'm feeling empty.
Well, actually, I'm feeling full.
Just full of crap.
And therefore, empty of anything of value.
And here's what I've realized:
When you give away pieces of yourself, you have to accept the possibility that you will just end up empty. And that it probably isn't going to change.

The only thing you can do is make sure that you're being filled with things that truly satisfy you.
And I can list the things I've been trying to use to fill myself that are not working.
And I can list the ways I've been seeking reciprocation that have not been working.
And what happens is that I give more
and more
and more
and hope that I'll get something back in return
And I just end up disappointed
and even more empty

I try to come up with new ways to give
just craving some recognition
and effort in return
give second chances
give full attention
give time I don't have

and wind up waiting

I prayed for this.
I prayed for compassion.
And the ability to feel again.
To be able to share myself with other people.
And it's all good and right.
It's good to give these pieces of myself.

But I can't seek them in return.
Something else needs to fill up the emptiness that gets left behind
so that I can continue to give more.

Fill me up, Bread of Heaven, fill me
Enlighten me, Bright and Morning Star
Build me up, Master Builder, build me
Empower me, Mighty Great I AM
Heal me up, Great Physician, heal me
Inhabit me, Gentle Comforter
Use me up, Holy Master, use me
Empower me, Mighty Great I AM

In Jesus' Name,
amen