An (un)interesting turn of events:

I never really realized that Forrest Gump was such a good movie.
I don't remember ever really liking it before.
But I think I really like it.


I wonder how much time I waste that I could be doing something great instead?
Maybe instead of listening to music when I run, I should think.
And instead of playing other people's songs on the guitar I should play more of my own.
And maybe instead of watching movies and tv all day I should be trying to make things happen.
I guess I should keep my promises.
I guess I could do something for other people.
I have a lot of skills that I've learned that I could use to help people.

I struggle a lot with thinking I need to be something great.
And maybe what I should work more at is understanding that God made me great.
And that the great things that he put in me are what I should be praying to find, instead of trying to create great things inside myself.

It's easy to know something.
But it's a whole different story to understand it.
God is a lot like that.
And all of the things I've learned about him.
I've heard a whole lot of different ways of saying the same inspirational things.
But maybe I should start listening to them.

Maybe I should just start listening.

Tales From the Kari

Alright, so if I'm good at anything in the world it's having a tricky name. What can I say, it's my nature to be tricky. What is my name, you ask? It's Tricky, Tricky, Tricky.
Oddly enough, I new somebody who's name was actually Tricky. Well, two people I guess.

Anyway.
So, it's not really hard to say my name. It rhymes with "naughty" and "gaudy" and "haughty." Those are all easy words to say. Depending on how you pronounce your "au" sound, my name can be rhymed with "potty," "hottie," and "dotty." It gives it a bit of a Jersey flavor.

What really throws people off is that there is an R in my name.
Kari.

This is a typical introduction.
For the purposes of the scenario, I will spell things phonetically:
Tina: Hi, I'm Tina. What's your name?
Kari: Kaudi. Nice to meet you.
Tina: Claudia? That's pretty it's not--
Kari: No, no. Kaudi.
Tina: Oh! I'm sorry. Claudie?
Kari: No, nope. Kaudi.
Tina: Kaudi? Huh. I've never heard that name before. How do you spell it?
Kari: K-A-R-I
Tina: [puzzled look, followed by nod of understanding] Oh! you mean Car-ee?
(think like racecar)
Kari: Nope. No, no. Kaudi.
Tina: Now wait...where does that? How do you?
Kari: It's Norwegian. You roll the R.
Tina: huh. That's weird. [walks away]

Now, Tina is probably your average person. Those people assume that I must have said my name incorrectly and as soon as I've spelled it they're eager to point out my mistake to me. "Oh, you must have meant...." No, no, nope. Tina, I think I would know my own name.

Every once in a while I get a person like the preacher at a church in Oklahoma. I think is name was Jimmy-Ray. A very cheerful middle-aged man with braces and glasses who, thinking back on it now, could be Kip Dynamite's southern cousin.

Jimmy-Ray: And what's your name?
Kari: Kaudi.
Jimmy-Ray: How do you spell that?
Kari: K-A-R-I
Jimmy-Ray: Oh! Just like it sounds!

Now, I will honestly say I have NEVER heard that come out of someone's mouth when I've spelled my name for him or her. I just smiled and nodded.

There was once a woman named Susan who, after the Tina scenario runthrough, decided to inform me that life must be awful with a name like mine. She very curiously asked me why I didn't change my name as soon as I could. I politely, but smugly, told her that it was probably for the same reason her name was still Susan.

I especially enjoy it when someone says: "Man, I'll bet EVERYbody calls you Carrie."
I haven't really found a clever way to respond to that one. But I just reply with, "well, people I know don't. And people I meet just do it the once."

I've had someone ask me if she could just call me Carrie because she didn't know how to roll her R's. NO! You most certainly can not. Can I call you Shirley because I think you look like one? Of course not! I will call you by your name. Whatever method it takes me to pronounce it.

Think if you were like a hobbit. And you were saying like "Harry Potter"
It would come out like "Haddy Potta"
Now say "Kari" in that same voice.
Rolling R's isn't much different than just turning the R into a D.


My name and I have been on many adventures. I hope to have many more to share with my children.

More Than A Habit

It always seems that I am the most troubled when I feel far away from God.
And it's not even that he is distant from me. It's that I have put other things between us.
Which I tend to do quite frequently.
And even when I realize I do it, I can't seem to manage to fix it.

And maybe that's the problem?
It's not my job to really "fix" anything.
Right?

So the thing that's getting in the way is myself.

I really struggle with the aspect of "making God time a habit."

While it's logical that if I do something for a certain number of days, it becomes a habit, and I'll feel sortof incomplete without it. Like praying, or reading my Bible. And that's ultimately what I want. I want to feel hungry when I haven't been filling myself with the Bread of Life. And I want to feel restless unless I've prayed to God before I go to sleep.
But I don't want it to be a habit.
I want it to be part of me.
I want to want it so much that I can't live without it.
And I hate that the "trick" to getting it like that is making it a habit.
I don't think that's fair.

I feel like I'm so separated from myself right now.
I can't control my surroundings
I can't fix my situations
I can't even keep my stomach from hurting.
And I know it's because I'm trying to.
I'm trying to do all of these things, because they're keeping me on edge, and I want to fix them so I won't be so rocky inside.

And in reality, I'm not separated from myself at all.
I'm so much a part of myself I'm not letting my life be ruled by its king.
I'm trying to take control, and I'm being reminded that there is a reason that I am NOT in charge.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus
just to take him at his words
just to rest upon his promise
...

I know it
Now to mean it...

Where taking advice and living life intersect--and likewise diverge:

It always seems that whatever ideas I have in my head, my parents have other ones.
Whatever I think is a good idea isn't quite the wisest one to them. And where I struggle is that I can understand that my parents are more wise and experienced than I am. And therefore, their advice is probably really valid. But, how do I become wise by just listening? Isn't there some sort of do missing there? I mean, I could listen and do what they say--but what is wisdom if its not gained from experience. I only have the wisdom of the "easiest way to success" rather than "my very own" one.
I am probably the lest independant 22 year old I know. And I think it's because I've been taking advice all my life, rather than figuring things out for myself.
Right now I'm taking physics classes at Wayne State. My parents don't really think it's a great idea, but they're humoring me. I planned it so I could sub during the days, and get a part-time job in the evenings to earn money. I'm working on getting into districts as a sub--believe me, it's harder than it should be. My goal is to get another evening job so that I can make enough money to move out of my house. I mentioned this to my dad, and he immediately struck it down. "Moving out is not what you need to be focusing on while you're still in school." Which holds a valid point. However, I know myself. I am like a lamprey. A parasite, if you will. When given the means to survive off of something else I have no motivation or drive to do anything above and beyond exist. However, if a parasite wanted to live without a host it would most likely die. Survival of the fittest. When put in a situation where it is do or die, I thrive and I flourish. My sense of competition only arises when I'm in danger of failing. Otherwise I have no drive to pull ahead. It's how I've always been. At school, in sports, board games. . .etc.
What my dad doesn't understand is that as long as I am living with them in their house, I am never ever going to be independent. Because there is always someone there to pick up the slack. If there's no one there to unload the dishwasher for me if I put it off long enough, then I will do it right away. Because I have no other choice. If I have to pay a bill or lose any credit I might have, I will do it right away. Because I have no other choice. If I'm at home, somebody else picks it up and "puts it on my desk where I should see it." And I never do. I can't fall on my butt if I've got a fluffy pillow glued to it.
My dad doesn't understand this, because while I'm exactly like him in most ways, this way I am not.
My dad doesn't understand why I don't want to go back to the hospital and just work two 12-hour shifts making $12/hour instead of trying to find a night job a few nights a week making much less. He doesn't think that working extra days at less compares to working less days at more. Which he's right. But I don't think that extra money is worth having a job I don't enjoy as much as I could another one. He thinks that money does all the talking all the time, and I just don't agree. Probably because I've never had the chance to realize that I have to make what I live from. And as long as I'm living at home, I'll never 100% live off my own keep. Therefore, money doesn't talk as loudly to me as liking my job.
My dad said that when you're working for something, it doesn't matter if you like what you're doing or not--you do what it takes to get there. And this is another characteristic that I do not possess. Even when driving somewhere, I'm okay with taking back roads and other scenic routes. Because if I get to my destination and it's not what I thought it was, at least I have lots of places I saw on the way that might be better. I don't like shooting for a target, hitting it, and then thinking "okay, what now?" I'd rather shoot, and maybe hit something else on the way.
I respect my parents greatly. And they are both wise, and have great jobs and are in great situations. However, I have a feeling that if I let my decisions be their decisions then my life will not be my life. And I won't be able to teach my children anything but my way--which wasn't my way to begin with.
Freedom might be a gift. But independence doesn't come without sacrifice.

This is one of the neatest things I've ever seen.

I still can't wrap my mind around it.

http://imaami.blogspot.com/

on fitting in.

Family pictures aren't a good indication of how a family is.
Especially when you're not allowed to be yourself while taking them.
And if you argue it, you're clearly selfish and unreasonable
because you're not a family if you're not wearing a nice sweater
and you can't wear clothes people always see you in
because families color coordinate.

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in my family.
I'm not serious enough
my clothes aren't nice enough
my hair's the wrong color
my music is too loud
my movies are too boring
my smile is too smirky
my eyes are too squinty
my goals aren't good enough
I'm not thin enough
Why can't I just eat meat
I can't stand our dog
I'm not social enough
I don't want to be popular
I don't date enough
my heels aren't high enough
I hate eating out and shopping

What's the point of being a Herron girl if I'm the one everyone forgets about?
What's the point of a family picture if I have to wear other people's clothes?

On Prayer. And Husbands.

Tonight Drew and I were driving back from coffee and said his dad asked him if he prayed for his future wife.

Now, I've heard many people talk about how they pray for good Christian spouses for their children. And how people pray for their future mate every day. But quite honestly the thought never actually occurred to me. It never occured to me to be praying for a man I don't know yet. Or who hasn't actually entered that role in my life.

I pretty much avoid the possibility that people I know could be my future husband. Or that somebody I meet one of these days could be him. But I guess just beause I don't want to be married or dating right now isn't a reason to not pray for any of them.

So I decided that maybe that's something I should start doing. Because I think I'd hope that he's praying for me.