Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Thirteen Going on Thirty

I heard about this great new thing today.
I guess it's some really great way to cut down on stress.
You know, take your mind off all your problems.
Aparently it makes them much smaller.
Okay, you dragged it out of me, I'll tell you:
You get this razor blade, and you run it back and forth across your wrists.
Ends stress just like that! It's a miracle.

Well, when you put it that way, sign me up!
Where do I get my razor?
It really ends my stress?
That's amazing!
How does it work?
Oh, I turn all of my stress into something physical so I can shift my focus from internal things I can't control to something external that I can control. Brilliant!

Who actually believes that?
Who actually believes that self mutilation is a really good idea?
Who actually believes that gaining control over one aspect of your life will negate all of the things you can't control?

7th grade girls. That's who.
7th grade girls in upper-middle class suburbia do.
7th grade girls who have their closest friends introducing them to "new ideas."
13 year old girls.
Thirteen.

A little girl today found a razor blade in her friend's purse and little pink lines on her wrists.
"Promise you won't tell anyone!"
Run like the wind and tell the first adult you see, sweet girl. Your friend is in trouble!

What do you do?
What do you do when the life of a thirteen year old girl is so stressful she has to externalize her pain?
What do you accomplish by suspending her?
What do you accomplish by kicking her off the basketball team?
She thought she had stress before. . .
When does she get better?
Does the cutting continue?

She's out of school.
She's off the team.
She's embarassed because everybody *thinks* they know what's goin on.
How will she deal with all of that without her friends to help keep her in check?
How will we get past judging her, and help her heal?
How can we make her know we're holding her accountable because we love her, not because she messed up?
Did she mess up? Sure. But we can't fix the past--all we can do is change the future.

Back to my original questions:
Who actually believes that?
Who actually believes that self mutilation is a really good idea?
Who actually believes that gaining control over one aspect of your life will negate all of the things you can't control?

We all do, my friends.
Where is your line drawn for self mutilation?
Is it food?
Is it pornography?
Is it overworking yourself?
Is it drinking?
Lack of sleep?
This little girl had little pink lines on her wrists--easily hidden behind long sleeves.
How do you hide yours?
All of us try to take control of something. Don't lie. You know you do.
You take control of something because you can't control anything else.

Solution?
I'll give you a hint--it doesn't involve razor blades.

Maybe there are things we need to take control over.
How about making them things that lead us to the faith we need to actually really (not just say it and not do it) give our lives (wholly and completely) over to God.
How about taking control over waking up early every morning and reading your Bible?
Even if it's just random verses.
How about taking control over our bedtime routine and actually getting down beside our beds and praying to God?

7th grade girls are very impressionable.
They pick their friends, and they start to rub off on one another.
They start to act like each other.

All of us are the same way--whether or not we'd like to admit it.
We assimilate to the company we keep. The movies we watch (how many people started saying "gosh" and "sweet" after Napoleon Dynamite came out?).
You spend enough time with someone, you are going to be changed.

Who is changing your 7th grade girls?

Who is changing you?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I found this post through my friend's Blake's blog. I'm assuming he probably knows you.

You touch upon some huge issues. If your are interested you should check out a book called "Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers" by Chap Clark -- a youth ministry professor at Fuller. It is honestly one the best books I've read, period. But it explores in detail the rising crisis of today's teenagers from their perspective and how this has developed in culture as well as some possible proactive responses. In the various ministry experiences I've been in as well as my own personal high school experience it hit everything on the head.

God bless.

PatrickMead said...

I wish I had found this earlier. This is brilliant and needs wider publication. Thank you.